Youtuber, to be or not to be?

I heard about this theory, when you have a dream to be something or to have something, write it down, believe it believe what you wrote, imagine the time where you are doing the things you are dreaming, imagine you're holding the thing you are craving for, hang it on the wall or on your studying desk or any place you want as long as you can see it everyday. And when it's the right time, it'll come true. And then so I tried AND IT ACTUALLY WORKED. I printed a picture of a penny board with blue board and purple wheels and then, literally that night my friend called she said she was in Bali and saw a bunch of penny boards and I asked her to buy me one!yeay! But I'm still not allowed to penny board cause I'm still in the middle of an exam and it's a rainy day lately so haven't used it outside but I promise I'll be a pro before 2014. Speaking of 2014...... it comes down to the point of year where I write down all my accomplishments of the year 2013! maybe in the next post I'll write it down later. 

And besides penny board I also printed a volkswagen beetle mobil, as you can see that had been my dream car since ages. I know it's pretty small and only can fit up a few but it's still so classy! The first thing I'd do when I get the car I would change the whole interior so it would be more comfy:) I told my mom about the "theory" and asked "how come it worked on the penny board but it hasn't worked on the vw beetle yet?" and she said something that has been echoing in my head up until now "that's because allah gave it to you because he knows you're ready. You're not ready to get a beetle yet, you don't even have license! I know one day you will, because you know you're ready" my mom can be pretty wise sometimes, i know. 

And next to the VW Beetle I also printed a YouTube logo because every time I watch my favorite youtuber, I always dream in being a youtuber and get to talk to a lot of people and just go out there and have the ability to do something new and legendary. I also get to meet cool people online, it just seem so fun. Blogging is for a start, maybe one day I'll become a part of indonesian youtubers. All along I've been talking about making youtube videos to my friends and I think I successfully annoyed them cause I can't stop talking about how wonderful it'd be! But some days I have my doubts. Some days I think, what if people wouldn't like me on youtube? what if they don't accept me because I wear a hijab? what if i would be like one of the abandoned ones? all those negative thinkings pop up in my head like whoah. I don't like all those negative thoughts haunting me, but we always have to think about the pros and cons. But what motivates me is about thinking how much more experiences I'm gonna make, how many cool people I get to meet, how life changing it would be. I actually already started on writing ideas for youtube videos! what i'm gonna say, what i'm gonna do, just everything. I'll just have to wait until I take off my braces and consider this again. I mean, what do you think? Youtuber, to be or not to be? 

People pleaser?

I came to this theory where a girl can define other girls by their prettiness but a guy can never rate other guys by their looks. Do you think it's true? I once asked my brother who does he think looks handsome in his favorite football club which happens to be Manchester United, and he only answered “… all of ‘em has good skills” But clearly I asked who looks HANDSOME. His respond was “Don’t ask me I can never tell, I’m a guy” Then it hit me and made me realized that some guys oftenly can’t define other guys by their looks. But how come a girl can rate a girl by their prettiness easily? Maybe cause girls are competitive they always compare themselves with others “ooh she’s prettier than me” “aah she’s ugly, I’m prettier” can easily slip out of a girl’s tongue cause we, as girls really care about our looks. But you don't have to be a victoria's secret model to find your channing tatum. <3 

I’m in high school now and I meet different people with a whole lot of different personalities. It turns out that you have to look good in a certain group of people, my junior high school was never like that. We never had to wear pretty clothes and use make up. Simply cause we didn’t judge each other. But frankly, now I live in a world where looks and appearances matters. I don’t know how in the world could I ever survive this kind of phase. I’m just gonna hope for the best but expecting the worst.

In high school, I realized one thing. I do what people ask me to because I don’t want them to feel bad. I’m a people pleaser. I do what people please but I sometimes don’t get anything in return. Some things has to change here. But frankly I feel good about it. You know, being a people pleaser has its own minus and plus. The good thing is that people enjoy being around you, the opposite thing is that it’s like you’re leaving under everybody else’s shadow. The key is to speak up and learn to say “no” for once in a while. 

Can we just take a second and admire these cute pandas made out of  clay? I know it sounds cheesy but it is far yet the most beautiful thing I have ever seen that is originally hand-made. Massive thank's to tante eike for all this<3

Sendhowo Is The Motto.

Well since this is the first post since forever, sorry for being such a lazy updater I solemnly swear I would not be lazy anymore in high school. And this is also my first post since I am now officially a high school student! Remember how I used to always say I can't wait? Now I'm living the moment.. But before high school, my uncle once told me that I had to be sendhowo in my decisions that I'm willing to make in the future. Sendhowo is a javanese language. It might sound weird but it rhymes with Motto so... Sendhowo means (If I'm not mistaken) that you have to take risk in every choice you chose. You can't just back down when everything goes wrong, you have to be strong and cleverly find away and go right through it. I was most likely in being in that sendhowo situation. 

I've been through those phases where I forced myself in thinking that I am way more better than everyone else in the room. But that actually gave me low self-esteem. And I don't want that. I was often down and feeling blue. I was most likely to compare myself to everyone I know. Now I'm changing my directions. I'm giving myself a whole new make up. Not a make up that uses blushes, mascara, or eyeliner. But a confidence boost make up which is the most important make up in your make up bag. ^^v

Nightlight.

"One day someone is gonna magically just pop into your life and be the reason nothing else ever worked out"- kimmi smiles.

year 9, what's next?

Year 9, which is now. Today. I am a 9th grader. I don't know why but being a 9th grader feels awesome for me. I'm like the senior to my juniors but I still have a senior. It's like I'm in the middle. The rightest position I could ever ask for. But then comes this one end of the year 9 line which people call, National Exam. It only exists in Indonesia, i think? Honestly, I kinda hate the education system here in Indonesia because it's so complicated, compared to other countries. But I have to do it whether I like it or not. At the end of the line, there happens to be another line called "year 10" and the line of life goes on and on and on and on until you reached the limit which is death. 

Year 10, where to go? Well before I go any longer I have to tell you I got accepted in the High School I applied 5 days ago. I feel like I'm on the top of the world! But there comes this situation called the "decision" part where me, myself, and moi, I have to decide whether I take it or not. And it's kinda a dilemma for me because there's too much to lose if I don't take it. But there's some risks too if I take it. Luckily, my parents finally allows me to take it so why not? 

College? I've already been starting to save some college applications I often get in the mall or other public places. I always save them in one place so I could take a look at it if I finish high school. But I've been thinking, If I go to college, what would my parents do without me? Reminding you that I am the youngest child. I hope my brother already have kids of his own when I go to college so at least someone would be around for my folks when I'm not around. This post is a reminder to myself that I have to put some effort if I want to get what I want and keep trying even if the sky is falling down. 

Future job........ let's just talk about this in the future when I finish high school or at least get to college. "I can't tell you the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone"-ed sheeran-

29.