fed up

My urge to write always comes when I'm in the middle of an exam.

I just went through a break up and it's been the first time ever in my life not being in any sort of relationship with anyone. Even after every break up there was always somebody else there that I could hang on to. Now, it's jut me myself and I. I haven't even told ANYONE about this break up. I don't feel the need to tell, but if anything serious comes up, I'll have to sooner or later.

I heard in an interview i watched i that said "I would rather feel heartbroken, than to feel nothing towards them" and that got me thinking. Do I really feel nothing now? Would I rather feel heartbroken than nothing? Because feeling heartbroken means that there's still something you felt towards them. Feeling nothing is just plain harsh.

But I feel like as if I

I only want to go on dates

not serious relationships

my head should have a warning sign that said

DONT DATE ME I'M A NARCISSIST

even though i'm not

I just don't feel like being

anybody's anyone

but yet

I want to feel

that spark you get

when you're having a crush

or just bluntly falling in love

Now when i say the word love

or crush

there's a name that pops into my head

and it's no longer you