about de-mot.

(It was sitting there as a draft so I decided to publish it)

Second week of college already got me loaded with assignments and presentations to do. This is just me procrastinating as the time still ticks and would never stop. This is absolutely not one of those days where you could just lay in bed doing nothing all day. Bath-less and bed hair all day through out the day. No, this is not me complaining. I barely even complain about stuffs anyway. But these are the things you should do when you're feeling slightly demotivated. 

1. Change your playlist
Something new for the ear is quite soothing and keeps you hyped up for anything new. I change up my playlist every time I get bored of something, hence the countless playlists I have on spotify. I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm currently in to BTS. But their music is actually quite good. Up until now I already have 3 playlists of them. One is called listen when you feel like dancing the one I made to hype myself up only to find out I'm digging the BTS track "Boy With Luv" and "Kill This Love" from Blackpink, and the rest is history... I literally started looking at zumba videos with K-Pop in it to help me zumba and I fell in love with the music and the dance moves. I can't this is too embarrassing to continue. The second one is self love is the best love that was inspired by the Love Yourself Campaign. It contains a mixed set of music from Love Yourself, Map of the soul: Persona, and even some tracks from Dark & Wild. The third one (I think this could be the last one) is soft baked cookies on my soundcloud playlist. I started to listen to their soundcloud ever since V released Winter Bear. They were called soft baked cookies because the boys are soft and i love chocolate chip cookies. My current favorite track from the soundcloud playlist is 4 o'clock by R&V.

2. Clean up your room
When you're feeling worn out, clear up your mind by clearing up your desk. This is something that would always work for me. A new change of scenery for the room could highly lead to a boost of motivation. I would clean up my room every before exams and after exams. Even in between exams I could not stop thinking about how I could decorate my room. I'm currently in a state where I love my room and its how I've always wanted, wide & spacious, white walls, picked out the furniture I always wanted, and a self designed bookshelf. But my room's not quite perfect yet tho because there's still a lot of things in mind, and sometimes the room is just too messy. Spring cleaning is just around the corner!

3. Treat yourself
It's always important to love yourself because self love is the best love. I treat myself every weekend just to show myself a job well done. Even cheat on weekdays where I just can't bare with my sweet tooth cravings. I usually end up with cookies & cream puyo, blizzard dairy queen, or any boba tea drink.

4. Meet up with friends
Being demotivated could only mean one thing... You're screwed up with life and you just need new excitement. My besties are always the source of my excitement because I get to listen to their stories and catch up with their life, and I also get to tell them mine. It's a real good therapy to have a nice brunch with the loved ones.

5. Get back on track
After all the reverse demot therapy, actually all you need to do is get yourself back on track with all the hectic schedules. Tick out the to do lists, create new to do lists. My favorite part is to make a bullet journal out of my agenda because it doesn't only give me the chance to create something but it also gives me the opportunity to keep my life on track.

CANADA SOLO TRIP 2019

On April 2019 I went on a trip to Canada for my Global Marketing Class and I thought every moment every memory should be cherished in a writing. I first wanted to write in my journal but it get too hectic and I didn't quite have time for journaling. But I did take a lot of videos. The video is up on my youtube channel.

But I want to write so it could be more personal. I didn't quite like how the video came out because I was so in a hurry and I had a deadline. One day I'm gonna re-edit the video the way I wanted. If I have any time for that. 

It's been 15 years or so since I left Canada. Born, grew up, and spent my childhood there. At first, the only reason I wanted to go to Canada is because I wanted to go to Clay Cafe. I want to open one up in Jakarta so I have to make a survey to the real place and re-experience it myself because the last time I was there, I was only a child and didn't know anything about painting. So grateful to get the chance to go there again because I get to feel the painting, record the entire Clay Cafe journey, and choose a pottery to paint by myself. Yes I'm a nerd for loving this kind of activity but it is so relaxing and heart-filling I can't wait til I get to finally open up mine. (a blog post on that will come soon)

Anyways, I went for 7 days straight and I literally flew across Canada, from Vancouver to Halifax and Toronto. I had a lot of transits too but I only stayed in the airport. The one that got me hooked was obviously Toronto because they had everything there. From socks galleries, knick knacks at the blue banana market, to film festivals. I also bought a lot of (cheap) souvenirs at China Town. I wish I stayed longer in Toronto tho... 

Vancouver was also amazing and beautiful it felt like it was in the future with the SkyTrain and Science Park. I went to a lot of art galleries, libraries, parks, and sightseeings, (sounds boring, I know). But those were the kind of activities I dig, and what else do you expect to do in Canada?? I still couldn't get over the library in Halifax. It felt so comfy to study in, I wish we had something like this in Jakarta. (Yes, gue udah ke Perpustakaan Nasional but it's still not quite as close as the one in Halifax)

I sure do wish I could travel back to Canada again someday in the future with my family because it's a really nice place to spend time and have a beautiful nostalgic moments of my childhood. Aamiin.

GO TO ASIAN MOVIES (Thai/Korean/Chinese/You name it)

My gabut days are just around the corner! It's time for me to binge watch movies that I could never usually watch. Now I have more free times than I could ever imagine. Anyhoo, I'm kinda sorta in to these kind of movies, they're fun and easy to watch, even though i have to read the subtitles but it's alright. I don't know whether these are thai, korean, or chinese, or maybe japanese?! because either way I still have to read the subs, but I always know when it's thai because the edits are always so receh and they have a different accent than the others. And besides, Indonesian movies sometimes are an adaptation from other best-selling Thai movies. I don't know whether that's a good thing or not, but--

This is not a review what so ever. it's just a list of recommended asian movies that has my heart. I should put Crazy Little Thing Called Love in this list but mostly people have watched it because I think that was actually one of the first thai movies that made it in the trends, and after that people just started loving thai movies. I don't know much about Korean Drama tho because I'm not too keen in TV Series because it requires patients and I have to watch the whole thing which is time consuming, so I'm just sticking to movies now and then.

So I did this on Indian movies (which are basically also asian but--) Bollywood movies still have a special place in my heart but now I'm currently in to Thai. But the recommendation list here contains korean and chinese ones too so

1. Our Times

So the first one on my list is Our Times. I don't quite remember what it is about, I wanna watch it again, but the thing that I remember is that it hit me the most and I cried at the intense part. A friend of mine recommended this movie because he said he never liked asian movies but Our Times was the only exception. And so I watched it that night and I fell in love immediately.

2. Us and Them

This one has a good moral of the story too. Ahh you need to watch it to see the quotes at the ending of the movie. This movie actually hit me because it reminded me of my late father, -- say no more.

3. Girl from Nowhere

A movie about bullying. The ending was a bit unpredictable.

4. Bad Genius

I'm actually bad at reviewing films because I forgot all the plots to the movie and I didn't do my research before writing this -- just to be authentic. But all I could remember was this movie was quite good oh it was about a smarty pants who cheated for her friends. So the smart one gave out her answers to everyone and -- that's all I can remember.

5. Tomorrow I Will Date Yesterday's You

This has an interesting plot, the title was a bit confusing until you watched the movie. But it's a real soothing movie about love and how you should love--

6. Your Name

Of course I had to put Kimi no Na wa on the recommendation list! Even though its an animation but it didn't feel like I was watching an anime. Remember spirited away? the guy character gave me the same feels.

7. The Teacher's Diary

Now this one was quite touching. And of course it's about love. It's about a teacher finding out about another teacher's diary as it is self-explanatory by the title.

There are also simple ones like Brother of The Year, I Fine Thankyou Love you, May Who, First Kiss, On Your Wedding Day

And the ones that are still on the Recommendation List (meaning I haven't watched em yet that's why it's still on my recommended list): One Day, Hello Stranger, Back To The 90's, Friend Zone (If anyone can find Friend Zone online please hit me up because i'm desperate to watch Pam in action again)

I don't quite get why SuckSeed was recommended tho-- maybe when I was watching it I wasn't in a good mood for receh asian movies tho--

Unpopular opinion: I like blogging more than tweeting because although it requires more thinking -- yet I still get to express my thoughts freely

fed up

My urge to write always comes when I'm in the middle of an exam.

I just went through a break up and it's been the first time ever in my life not being in any sort of relationship with anyone. Even after every break up there was always somebody else there that I could hang on to. Now, it's jut me myself and I. I haven't even told ANYONE about this break up. I don't feel the need to tell, but if anything serious comes up, I'll have to sooner or later.

I heard in an interview i watched i that said "I would rather feel heartbroken, than to feel nothing towards them" and that got me thinking. Do I really feel nothing now? Would I rather feel heartbroken than nothing? Because feeling heartbroken means that there's still something you felt towards them. Feeling nothing is just plain harsh.

But I feel like as if I

I only want to go on dates

not serious relationships

my head should have a warning sign that said

DONT DATE ME I'M A NARCISSIST

even though i'm not

I just don't feel like being

anybody's anyone

but yet

I want to feel

that spark you get

when you're having a crush

or just bluntly falling in love

Now when i say the word love

or crush

there's a name that pops into my head

and it's no longer you

Life update

Don't know why but it seems illegal to not start the blog by saying that i miss writing, but i do! I really do. It's like a part of me coming back together every time I write here. The journal is okay but writing here is a totally different universe.

So it's only been my first year of college and I have gained so much experience in every second of it. For starters, I got into MSS which is a himpunan mahasiswa manajemen. Management Student Society. And the best thing is, I got into the division I have always wanted since I started knowing about MSS, Marketing. Since day one on my maba days, I have watched Red Session videos because I just dig those kind of platforms. I watched the episodes and learned a thing or two. When I found out that it was from the marketing division, I knew for sure I wanted to be a part of that division. And here I am! Strategic Leader Candidate for Marketing Division with Neska, Nanda, and Farrel. But that's another blogpost to write. 

Other than that, I got into being The 17th FEBUI CUP Management Executive as the Ketua Bidang 5 which handles the publication, public relation and registration, and the creative visual division. So grateful for that because those are actually my department. The divisions I could actually take care of. But we're still running and we haven't finished yet so, again, that's another blogpost. Our main events are going to be on April 2019 so get excited for that!

Room update: I moved into my brother's room. So my brother got his room renovated when he got married so it could be a bigger space for him to have a baby and everything. Until he bought a house and I started taking over his room. I redecorated from scratch. Designed a head over bookshelf, 

painted the whole room white, got the room all tumblry. Let's just say I'm in love with my room right now. It's still a blank canvas tho. The white walls are still pretty empty so that's the challenge for me. I guess I could make a video out of it, right after I feel up the blank spaces to make it video worthy and get some of the things I need for the room. I'm in love with it and it's a major transformation from my old room. 

Currently going through my 3rd midterm exams right now. This is what I always do, I procrastinate and do other things I barely even think of doing when I don't have to study. But I have already finished 3 subjects, 4 more to go. And I have plenty of time to study so I guess why not make a life update. Besides, I have been so AWOL in writing lately cause I just can't find the time for it. There was an ad on youtube that said it only takes 45 minutes a day to read a book a week to be a successful person and I'm trying it out. Even though this is writing but I feel like my brain is functioning properly again when I'm writing. Even the most pointless things. 

Also, I started a somewhat bullet journal for planning and currently loving it. I would take a picture but then again, that's a whole other blogpost. Come to think of it, there is actually plenty of content I could create in my life. I wonder why I ever stopped blogging. It's actually fun and you don't need anything in return. But you get something everytime you come back to your old blog post and you re-read what you were thinking at that time. Maybe I could make this a thing again, but then again, that's just a maybe. We'll see what the future brings. But one thing for sure is that I want to have something to look back to when I'm in my 40's.

thoughts on "gap year"

Ronin,
Nganggur,
Ngulang setaun,
you name it.

Just consider this as a frequently asked question from ask.fm, answered by a nobody who got lucky enough to get in to the uni she wanted. Almost a year ago, I didn't pass neither SBMPTN nor SIMAK UI. And yes, I didn't want to try any other uni test because I already had a feeling since the first week of studying for SBMPTN that I would have to try again next year. I literally still remember how it felt. I knew for a fact that I wasn't studying that much and I didn't know shit about geography back then. Please do note that I was a science student transferred to a social student for SBMPTN. So that meant that I only had a couple of months to study social studies. And yes, I wasn't THAT bright of a student. Sure I did study economics and indonesia's history since the 10th grade BUT STILL. Although that did made my love for economics grew stronger. Thank you for that Pak Abung! Still not a fan of history but I'd take that class any day instead of chemistry or physics. Not that I'm against science or anything, my brain just didn't have the capacity to handle all of that. But if I could go back, I would love to study harder for those particular subjects in order to be capable to work at NASA or any big companies that requires you to speak geometry and advanced codes for technology (korban hidden figure, maafin). You could literally contribute more if you had the brains for it. Buuut again, this was the path I had chosen. Still can't figure out why, but I'm getting there. 

This post is dedicated for them yang nanyain soal ✨gap year✨, pertama-tama lo bisa baca tulisan di zenius tentang gap year karena jujur aja gue terinspirasi juga lewat situ. Literally screenshot it and shared it to my friends yang gagal juga SBMnyah and I quote; 

Top universities di Amerika kayak Harvard and Princeton bahkan nyaranin nganggur setahun sebelum mulai kuliah, karena berdasarkan pengalaman mereka, yang nganggur setahun ternyata prestasinya lebih oke, karena 1 tahun bisa ngebantu anak-anak ini untuk belajar jauh lebih banyak, travelling, baca/ nonton macem-macem sesuai yang mereka mau (kalo kuliah/ sekolah biasanya kan bacaannya udah ditentuin). Intinya kalo menurut mereka, dan menurut gue juga, 1 tahun itu kesempatan lo investasi bisa belajar hal yang jauh lebih penting dari apa yang diajarin di sekolah/ kuliah sambil nyiapin buat SNMPTN.

dulu namanya masih SNMPTN. yaaa postan ini juga bisa menuai kontradiksi tersendiri karena, ada juga yang gap year, tapi ngga dapet juga atau dapet bukan sesuai pilihan mereka. WELL I'M NOT GOD SO PLEASE DON'T BRING THAT UP. 

Let's just make this about my gap year

hehe

egois.

My gap year went pretty well, although it was still out of my expectations on what I was gonna do for a whole year, i.e. study math harder, read more books, volunteer more, etc, etc, but at least I made it. 

But it is true, have faith in yourself! I honestly still doubted myself right after this year's SBMPTN. But thank god dinaikin kuota sbmptn nya. tbh I think that's the only reason why I got in. Well despite me kicking my own ass off for studying. 

Would you like to know my secret recipe in acing this year's SBMPTN? 

it's a little thing called love. I loved myself more. I think that's the key and a real important secret ingredient so don't let Plankton steal that from you.

Plankton is this real negative side of you, you need to get rid of that. 

BACK TO MY GAP YEAR

So I spent the first semester of my gap year at Akademos, this alumni class from the tutors of Zenius, most people must have heard of that. Akademos. I gained friends and experiences there. Wasn't really forced into studying, but seeing other people studying literally makes you want to study. But we still had breaks and chilled a lot while playing this game I love called Avalon. But it really was an important part of my gap year, right before I decided to switch to Inten which was closer to my house although it was more strict there, but I went for it anyway. I was that underdog too, I didn't get enough scores in all of my try outs. And the pressure of having people around you with kick-ass try out scores. Damn. I felt like I have failed myself again that time. But bare with me here, it gets better (or worse). Those numbers, in fact, are not truly important. What's important is the knowledge you gained and saved in your memory box. What's important is the less pressure you feel because you have been there plenty of times. It's not only about your knowledge field in your head, it's also the mental strength you need to control in order to relax in any exams. 

Also, I didn't really have to worry about national exams anymore so that's that. 

Sure at first friends will make fun of you for not getting into uni, but it is worth the mock. If you study enough and understand more than you already know, that's a good start I may say. I don't have any power to make a statement here, but believe me when I say gap year is not so bad. You just need to control yourself and know what you have to do. Read the zenius articles if that helps you straight up your mind. Even jacksgap got started because his gap year? He even got his name from that one decision of his. Gap year. 

Just don't push yourself too hard and get tired in the end, that's where the real game begins. Know how much you're capable of doing, and do it for the rest of the year and you're almost out there. Remember, the secret of your future is hidden in your daily routine. Make your future self proud.

carry on with your life, would ya?

Been quite a while since i last wrote here. well to be honest, i've written plenty of stuffs but i've been archiving it for no apparent reason, i just didn't feel like updating. Well there you go, a reason right there.
Life update; Finally got in to Management UI so yea there's that. A gap year well spent.
Been reading books i never thought of reading, adult novels for starters? and I just been keeping everything to myself lately.
Although I managed to post decent pictures for my Instagram.
I don't really know what this is, thank you for reading this far tho.
But i really, really miss blogging. Putting my thoughts out in the internet ( well, besides twitter ) and now that instagram has this instagram story feature they basically stole from snapchat. #savesnapchat.
Blogging takes me back to elementary days, junior highschool shenanigans, i didn't really write here throughout highschool tho. Recently managed to draw myself a timeskip for the journal, but it's nowhere near good until it's barely even legal to put it out in the internet, it looks hardly like a joke, a joke that i would most likely love to keep it to myself.
Got all these ideas in my head to re-design my room, again. Well just the bedside part because it looks like its been designed by a person with zero taste. Crappy bean bag, shitty bedside table I got after buying a table from informa ( so it was for free ), although I do like the radio, totally keeping that lad. and I do have to get rid of the memory box, it's getting dusty. And I definitely need a new carpet. But it's my kind of mess, the mess I like, but not enough to keep it like that hahah.

I surely do wish blogging was a thing again.

Stories Left Untold.

Everybody has their own stories,
either they know it or not,
or they're still figuring out their own stories.

Some are about other people,
people they love,
or places they've visited.
Mine is still up there trapped in my own mind.

Sometimes,
it's because you're too afraid to let it free.
But somehow you always remember it when you're day dreaming.
Some are the good ones that makes you smile
out of nowhere,
some are the terrible ones,
the ones that makes you hate yourself for remembering it
and you try so hard to forget about that damn thing.
You must of done that quite often,
you know what I'm talking about.
But stories has stories behind those stories,
called the untold stories.